Nurse jokes :
LEGEND :
Blue : Informative Jokes
GREEN : Good humour
RED : Adults only
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably
going off duty.
A doctor is standing in the hall of a hospital talking with a colleague when suddenly one of his patients runs down the hall in his hospital gown screaming at the top of his lungs. Right behind the patient is a nurse carrying a pan of steaming, boiling-hot water, obviously chasing the patient. The doctor interrupts his conversation with his colleague and shouts to the chasing nurse, "Miss Jones, I said 'Prick his boil!'"
Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they
worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all
got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first
nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."
The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and
painted them all to read 106 degrees." The third nurse said, "Well, I
did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his
desk drawer." The fourth nurse fainted.
A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse,
quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now. He
won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your symptoms, please?"
He tells her. She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's just tense. She
offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!" He
agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of
him. About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there. The
doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just
tense. The doctor writes out a prescription for a sedative and says,
"That'll be $150 for this visit." The man says, "If it's all the
same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!"
Three nurses died and went to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter
asked the first one, "What did you do on Earth that would deserve getting
in here? The first nurse replied, "I was an intensive care nurse and I
saved hundreds of lives." "Welcome," said St. Peter, "come
right in. And what did you do?" he asked the second one. The second nurse
replied, "I was an emergency room nurse and I saved hundreds of
lives." "Welcome," said St. Peter, "come right in. And what
did you do?" he asked the third one. The third nurse replied, "I was a
managed care nurse and I saved the insurance companies hundreds of thousands of
dollars." "Welcome," said St. Peter, "come right in...but
only for three days."