Jim Rogers Jokes: The Dalai Lama and Jim Rogers Exchange

This is the funniest joke we have every heard.  For background of this joke, please see Jim Rogers on Russia

Note: This is a joke. :)

From: Harbus - That Guy
Issue: 9/22/03

The Dalai Lama and Jim Rogers E-mail Exchange

--Original Message--
From: Jim Rogers [jimrogers@jimrogers.com]
Sent: Monday, September 15, 2003 4:27 PM
To: The Dalai Lama [mailto:hisholiness@buddha.org]
Subject: The Real Facts About Tibet

Dalai,

I was an unhappy witness to your "talk" on campus today. What a bunch of codswallop!

Before I refute your ludicrous canards, perhaps I should introduce myself: My name is Jim Rogers, and I am a very rich man. I know that Buddhists believe in reincarnation, and I think it is safe to say that I have made more money in my one life than you will make in all of yours combined.

In the past, I have circled the world on a motorcycle, which put me in the Guinness Book of World Records. Maybe you've heard of it. Most recently, I traveled to 116 countries over three years in a souped-up yellow Mercedes with my wife, who happens to be a hot chick.

I also wrote a book about my interest in my adventures.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that my world travels have made me an expert on every major economic, political and social issue of our day. I have also repeatedly drunk unpasteurized camel milk.

Some Wall Street bankers consider me their God, but I was raised a modest Southern boy, so I prefer to think of myself as a God rather than The God.

Given my credentials, I know enough to be embarrassed for you when you say things like "Tibet is a holy place."

I have driven thru Tibet with a hot chick in a yellow Mercedes, and Tibet is no holy place. It is a flea-infested swath of land fit only for yaks and monks. Your one and only hope for economic development is to put ski lifts on the Himalayas.

Please start a company and go public so I can short it.

Sincerely,
Jim Rogers



--Original Message--
From: The Dalai Lama [mailto:hisholiness@buddha.org]
Sent: Monday, September 15, 2003 5:23 PM
To: Jim Rogers [jimrogers@jimrogers.com]
Subject: Re: The Real Facts About Tibet

Mr. Rogers,

Thank you for attending my talk at Harvard and for corresponding with me afterward.

Your anger and sarcasm indicate a soul that suffers, and the Buddha teaches us that we must help to reduce human suffering. I will meditate on your situation.

With kindness,
The Dalai Lama


--Original Message--
From: Jim Rogers [jimrogers@jimrogers.com]
Sent: Monday, September 15, 2003 11:25 PM
To: The Dalai Lama [mailto:hisholiness@buddha.org]
Subject: Return of the Ludicrous Canards

Hello Dalai,

What a load of tommyrot! Do I strike you as a guy who needs your meditation? Perhaps you should open up the Guinness Book. Turn to page 123. Look between the world's longest prehensile tail and the guy with the most needles stuck in his ass. Who is that? That's right, it's me.

I'm filthy rich and I have traveled the world and eaten kangaroo meat, possum and silkworms. With a hot chick by my side. Meanwhile, what have you got? A flouncy maroon robe and Richard Gere's phone number. Maybe I should be meditating for you instead.

If you were smart, you'd reincarnate yourself as me 25 years ago and make a gargooglian amount of money like I did. Maybe you could use it to fund the world's largest "Free Tibet" bumper sticker and finally make your way into the Guinness Book.

Keep on chanting,
Jim Rogers



--Original Message--
From: The Dalai Lama [mailto:hisholiness@buddha.org]
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2003 10:38 AM
To: Jim Rogers [jimrogers@jimrogers.com]
Subject: Re: Return of the Ludicrous Canards

Dear Mr. Rogers:

The Buddha teaches us to have compassion for our adversaries. In fact, he teaches us that we should thank them for giving us the opportunity to exercise patience and tolerance. You have been most generous in this regard.

I will continue to reflect on your situation and to meditate on your suffering.

With kindness,
The Dalai Lama



--Original Message--
From: Jim Rogers [jimrogers@jimrogers.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2003 12:27 PM
To: The Dalai Lama [mailto:hisholiness@buddha.org]
Subject: Knock Knock! Who's There? Ludicrous Canard!

Cue ball,

You really should have kept your Tibetan yapper shut, but since you opened it: Your lesson about "showing compassion to one's adversaries" didn't come from Buddha--it came from the Russian government! I didn't think even holy men fell for that Commie shtinkenbooey anymore.

Let's review the facts, shall we?
- Jim Rogers: yellow Mercedes, married to hot chick
- Dalai: sandals, worships fat guy

Short Buddhism,
Jim



--Original Message--
From: The Dalai Lama [mailto:hisholiness@buddha.org]
Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2003 12:27 PM
To: Jim Rogers [jimrogers@jimrogers.com]
Subject: Re: Knock Knock! Who's There? Ludicrous Canard!

Mr. Rogers,

The Buddha does not ordinarily get involved with day-to-day human affairs, but in this case, he made an exception. He has arranged for you to be reincarnated as a pouchless kangaroo raised for meat. You will also have fleas.

The Buddha would also like to suggest that you undertake your next round-the-world journey in a 1973 monkey-butt-pink Ford Pinto, with a vanity license plate that says, "RAM ME."

With dwindling kindness,
The Dalai Lama